Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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