mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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