I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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