I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
