six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
