dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
