There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
