if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
