haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
