dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
