yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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