She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
