are you so shy because you have an std?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize