I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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