hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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