And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
