NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
