Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
