Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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