my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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