I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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