I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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