why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
