We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
