OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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