I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
