it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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