So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize