You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize