Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
