why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
