the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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