He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
