we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
