i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
