There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
