Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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