I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize