i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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