What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
