the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
