she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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