these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i barfeds in our rink
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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