3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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