The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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