You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
