So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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