Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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