There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
