We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
