Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
