hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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