I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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