My balls are so social today.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
