How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
