dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
