ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Terrible idea I love it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
