shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just had sex bonerless
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
