Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
