I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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