Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
