they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
