If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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