Where are you?
In a non slutty way
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
