All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
