So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
