Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
